So you think you are perfectly sane? But how do you know? Could you prove it to anyone?
Here’s a little survey that will give you absolute confidence in your mental state. Simply run through the following noting the number of statements that you experience in daily life
- When friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately you feel an insatiable desire to paddle them around the nether regions with a feather duster.
- Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn’t expect tentacles to be growing out from.
- You like to set all your bathroom condiments in ascending size and alphabetical order.
- Your eat your peas with honey just to keep them on the knife.
- You’re always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
- You like self deprecating humour, but you are not very good at it.
- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
- You like cats. especially with mayo.
- Your main goal in life is to become the President of Bulimia.
- Nearly everything you say involves the word, “P-toing!”
- Your conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
- You think that exploding wouldn’t be so bad, once you got used to it.
- You think you might be a closet claustrophobic.
- You feel like you are diagonally parked in a parallel universe
- You consider a six pack and bug zapper quality entertainment
- You sometimes stop to think and then forget to start again
- You believe that the calorific value of pasta is cancelled out by eating ante pasta
- You wonder what life would be like without hypothetical questions
- You like reading lists like this.
If you agreed with more than 3 statements then we would recommend some sort of therapy. If however you didn’t agree to the majority of the statements then I have no hesitation in pronouncing you mentally well adjusted.
Now that does not mean a lot unless you can prove it to others. So to make your life even more better you can request a Certificate of Achievement in Sanity. Heck, I think if you have bothered to read this far there is not way you could be insane (or could you?)
Anyway send us money and we will hastily dispatch to you your own certificate duly signed by me, Dr Fritz Heckler.
So, the next time someone says “You’re insane!” you can say “Am not! and I have a certificate to prove it!”
Or maybe you know someone who could do with the comfort of being able to prove their own sanity? Why not send them their own Certificate of Achievement in Sanity?
Comes in two varieties: Boldly set in a quality frame that you can hang on your wall for all to see (and be impressed by) or simply rolled up with a rubber band, so you can whip it out covertly to convince a sceptic without alerting the entire world as to the questionable nature of your mental state.
Simply complete the form below (and don’t forget to pay the money) and your certificate will be winging it’s way to you post haste soon to provide the comfort due to anyone with the slightest doubt about their mental state.
Incidentally Dr Fritz is available for remedial therapy at any time due to the fact that he has just invested in a time share and needs to make the payments. He can be reached here
Make payment here: